This Trial Is Gonna' Get Messy. . .


The Trial of
DONALD J. TRUMP


As Viewed By
Most Americans


Judge:  Mr. Trump, before I hear opening remarks, I will ask you how your chair is. Is it comfortable?

Trump:  Hi Harry. You know, it really isn't. Might I ask for a different one?  I have the name of a Swedish furniture maker who could make me an exquisite, custom-built chair in about six months. If we ordered one for me and each of  my four attorneys, they could be ready in about two years.

Prosecution:  Wait a damn minute. Why do we have to get him a special chair?

Judge:  Yes, why is that, Mr. Trump?

Trump: Well, you see they make my chairs to fit my. . . um. . . rather large buttocks! I won't be comfy without one.

Judge: That seems acceptable. Will the prosecution and defense get together a week from next Monday and come up with a day for beginning of trial.

Trump's first attorney:  As I'm looking at the date of the arrival of the chairs, we could possibly be ready in about two years from the date we hold our next meeting.  

Trump's second attorney:  Wait. . . I'm scheduled to speak at an off-season CPAC convention.  Better move that about three weeks further out.

Judge: How does that sound to you, Donald?

Trump:  Well. . . as I'm looking at party bookings at Mar-A-Largo, that would conflict with our swim party for the U.S. Supreme Court members and their wives.  How about the following Monday?

Judge:  Fine.  Are we all in agreement with December 24th?

Prosecution:  One minute, your honor. . . What December?

Judge:  That would be 2025, assuming we are all still alive and our nation's Rule of Law is still this screwed-up.

Judge:  Okay, we're adjourned for today. Let's hot-foot-it over to The Big Guy's Pub at Trump Plaza for a martini!

Trump:  Or, we could jet down to Mar-A-Lago for a drinky-poo in my Private Jet? Maybe we could discuss the fake evidence they have against me.

Third Trump attorney:  Wait. . . Do we really want to begin a trial the day before Christmas?


Judge:  We'll talk about it on the plane.

Tall Tales by John Watson


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